The Endless Cycles of Man

...as lived through Baseball Season.

In all of my 24 years of life, I've had the privilege of 24 seasons of Milwaukee Brewers baseball. And not one of them ended in a playoff berth. Sure, we've come close, what with all those years in the 80's when we were certainly good enough, but played in that godforsaken "traditional" playoff setup, where only two teams from each conference made the playoffs.

But this year will be different. No, that's no casual or even causal optimism. That's rock-solid fact. (Fact as it pertains to me) This year, we're deeper, faster, stronger, and many other adjectives that describe our physical superiority over the Chicago Cubs. This year we'll break through. I've not wanted many things in my life, except to see my three "teams" (Bucks, Packers, Brewers) win a championship. Well, we got 1 of those 3 out of the way, and the Bucks came damn close in 2001, but alas, Father Time is chipping away at me, and my teams haven't gotten much closer. If anything, the Bucks seem to be hell-bent on going the opposite direction.

But yes, this year will be different. This will finally be the year, when I'll have something meaningful to watch on television in September that isn't soon-to-be-canceled pilots (Homeboys in Outer Space, anyone?) or football. I know the Brewers will probably get swept out of the first round by some big spender, but it doesn't matter, because they'll have finally taken my playoff virginity.

This year will also bring another year of Neddy "Ballgame" Yost's managerial strategies. Having nothing to do in the off-season except watch the gentleman's sport that is NASCAR, Yost had some time to think. By thinking, I mean he decided to start batting the pitcher 8th and the cather 9th in the lineup. I'll let you decide whether or not that actually constituites thinking. The idea, in theory, is that Jason Kendall will act as a second leadoff hitter. Oh, Neddy Ballgame, what moron would bad Jason Kendall leadoff in the first place? Oh, wait, it actually happened in Pittsburgh. A team that hasn't exactly set the gold standard for quality baseball the past 15 years or so. In any case, it should be an interesting season, in which I drag many friends and comrades to the bleachers in order to discuss the finer points of the suicide squeeze, and which I remind Michael A. Ritmanich of his misguided scouting report of Bill E. Hall in 2002: "He's a bum! Get rid of him!"

Harry, pay attention!

A couple of things I've been working on in my random time.

EXT. OUTDOORS. DAY.
HARRY IS LEADING A LOCAL NATURE GROUP ON A WALK IN THE WOODS AND LECTURING AND NARRATING ON VARIOUS NATURAL PHENOMENA.
HARRY:
Man was once a part of this. We used to be living in the bushes just like animals, eating twigs and berries. Our primordial instincts are still here, of course, but the absurdity of the modern human condition has dulled our ability to kill and forage for meat.
YOUNG BOY SCOUT:
What’s the best way to catch to animals?
HARRY:
Well, why do you want to catch them?
YOUNG BOY SCOUT:
So we can kill them!
ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE GROUP SEEM TO AGREE WITH THIS SENTIMENT.
HARRY:
No, no, why would you want to kill nature? Nature’s like the endless bounty that we’re all living off of.
MAN 1:
What, so if some crazy bear started attacking you in the woods, are you saying you wouldn’t want to kill the bear first so that you wouldn’t have to worry about him coming after you in the future?
HARRY:Why, did I offend him or something, why’s he coming after me?
MAN 1: Well, he’s hungry, he’s--
HARRY: And why does the bear have to be crazy? Why can’t he be like Yogi Bear or the Coca-Cola bears or something, just sitting around drinking coke and stealing food?
NONE OF THE PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE AN ANSWER TO THIS.
EXT. OUTDOORS. DAY.
HARRY IS IN THE WATCHTOWER WITH A PAIR OF BINOCULARS.
HARRY: It’s about, uh,
HE CHECKS HIS WATCH
5:43 P.M. right about now, and we’re waiting for a confirmation sighting of the very rare Great White Owl. Some of the local townspeople have reported a very large predatory bird attacking cats and small dogs.
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTDOORS. DAY.
THERE ARE SEVERAL LOCALS TALKING EXCITEDLY ABOUT THE OWL THAT THEY SAW.

The balance between Man and Nature has been somewhat blurred in recent years as man has become ever more invasive and technologically advanced. No longer are there reaches of the globe where animals may hide from Man, for he is, truly, everywhere.
Throughout my life, many people have asked me what exactly it is that attracts me to the Natural World of animals? To that query, I would respond that it is the simplistic nature of the Natural World. Eat, sleep, breed, kill, and so forth. Instintive lives, indeed. No confusion about picking a career, having to pay bills, and so forth.
To understand the unique relationship between human and animal, we have decided to invite local naturalist Josiah Milne. Mr. Milne has been an observer of nature and the like.

(I will work on more when I find the time.)