Sunday, October 28, 2007

Where did you go Joe DiMaggio?

Apparently he's in the business of pre-empting my blog posts with headline titles for himself.

So I'm waiting for my stupid animation project to finish compiling the last oh, say, 1700 frames. So in the meantime, I thought I would re-activate this do-hickey blogging thingamjig.

Looking at my last post, the unabridled optimism that was the Brewers early season start has, as I'm sure my loyal readers know, evaporated into an unacceptable victory for the Chicago Cubs. As a result, armies are massing on the border and diplomatic hyperbole has been ramped up to level four.

So, long story short, sportswriting wasn't my bag. Which has left me with the enduring question of how best to utilize my talents (or lack of) in the quote, unquote, "real world" after I graduate in two months. To this question, I've given quite a bit of thought. From A (astronaut) to Z (zucchini, not quite the job security you'd like, what with the changes of being eaten constant, and the large amounts of time spent underground) I've taken the question on. Let's look at several job possibilities:

Position: Constable/Public Destroyer.
Pay: feeble, but public benefits such as graft and bribes are endless.
Benefits: Besides being able to wop anyone I want on the head with a nightstick? I get to wear a snazzy uniform and one of this little bowler hats. I could also wear my stab vest to formal occasions.
Drawbacks: Might actually have to work one day.

Position: Video Game Superhero.
Pay: Gi-normous. Look at that coke-pad that Mario's rolling around in. He's got all the linguini (drugs) and princesses (women) that anyone could want. Truly the American dream to be an overweight plumbing pop-culture icon with a flunky brother.
Benefits: Good health and life insurance (infinite lives and solid fireball protection plan) and not to mention all those coins and rupees lying around the video game universe.
Drawbacks: Must be able to lift 50-75 pounds.

Position: Arun D. Antonyraj, Musician, teacher, and political commentator.
Pay: Moderate, but emotionally fulfilling.
Benefits: Between the endless amounts of Macintosh software and paraphanelia lying around, to the ability to work with musical instruments constantly. Position of power and influence, as many young minds seem to fall under the tutelage of the many Arun Antonyraj's that populate our schools.
Drawbacks: Might collaspe under weight of delusions of grandeur.

So, those are the three main positions I'm considering right now. I have many job offers on my doorstep. I mean, can't a man walk down the street without being offered a job? Come on, now...

Where did you go Joe DiMaggio?